Saturday, May 12, 2012 10:32 PM
hopeless
I feel so so useless.
I can do nothing but study. Not that I'm dang good in it either.
I'm weird. You told me to follow the norm.
What's wrong loving to eat desserts? I'll only eat food that I like more.
Why don't you all start saying 'Vivian, stop eating those fattening desserts.' instead of 'Vivian, do this mission impossible, have another bowl of rice. HAHAHAHA'
You promised me not to say anything after I've gained weight.
Now, I'm even heavier than back then I was in Form 3.
Do you want me to be in my heaviest in my 19years now?
Those people, stop saying I'm thin.
I'm no where near thin.
There are so many people that are taller, lighter and thinner than me.
Are they invisible to you all?
I've never heard them being said 'you're too thin. eat more!'
I can't fit into clothes I bought a month ago.
It's really very depressing because that's the only way I can find my confidence.
Wearing the clothes I like and looking good, naked.
Why am I not allowed to go out and work after I graduate from my A levels?
I'm not too concerned of the money.
I just want the experience.
I want to know how the society is and how should I react to different situations.
You always say I'm too naive.
You don;t even give me a chance to experience them.
I don't want to be a spoiled and pampered girl.
I want to be independent.
I don't want to feel so useless.
I'm not allowed to go to work after PMR. Fine
I'm not allowed to, after SPM. Fine.
Now I'm 19. Do you really think I should only step into and fall really hard when I get into the reality after degree?
At least I can learn now. I'm young.
I don't want to be a cry baby and cry over every small matter.
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No one knows when I'm sad.
I'm always not smiling anyway.
All I could blame is myself.
All I have is my teddy.
I have no one to turn to.
No one would listen and have any biased perception towards me.
I just can't express myself in words now.
All I want is just a hug.